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Thursday, May 18, 2017

The 2 Adams

2 Adams In the Theory of Two Adams there were two couples in the Garden of Eden: Adam 1 and Eve, and Adam 2 and Steve. Now while Adam 1 and Steve were out pruning the Kiwi trees on the far side of the garden, Adam 2 and Eve were hanging out in the general vicinity of the Apple Tree. While giving each other pedicures and exchanging recipes for Kiwi casserole, along comes the snake and talks Eve into having a snack to go along with their smooth and well manicured-feet. However, it was in fact Adam 2 who didn’t stop Eve, after all the trimming and filing, he was famished.

Well, God was so angry with the Adams, Steve, and Eve he banished them from the Garden and sent them in separate directions. Adam 1 and Eve moved west to plow the land, form prejudices, and make babies. They blamed Adam 2 and Steve for the whole ordeal, especially for the next few thousand years without Kiwi. Adam 2 and Steve went east and eventually formed Ancient Greece where they created culture, government, and progressive thought. They too resented Adam 1 and Eve, after all what is a fag without his hag!

Of course this theory sparked ongoing debates. Was this in fact the point in history where straight people took it upon themselves to taint the fashion world by introducing fig leaves? Did Adam 2’s comment, "Girl, tell that snake to peel the apples and heat up the Godiva in the Fondue Cauldron or I’m not eating it" really constitute blame worthy of banishment from the Garden? After all, Adam 2 never ate the apple because the chocolate was not produced. But in the end the only thing everyone agreed on was that Kiwi, the yummiest fruit of all, being hidden in such a bland unfashionable brown skin, was the worst punishment dealt out by the Almighty that day.

A pointless and ridiculous debate? Of course. But no more silly than why two women who love each other can’t get married in the country they pay taxes in. Will it be our nation’s legacy to be the last country in Western Civilization to give all its citizens true equality? Will we continue to cling to the past way of life that condoned slavery, religious persecution, and wars in the name of a Christ who preached peace and love to all?

Maybe this time, for the first time, with communication and information flowing faster between people via the Internet than ever before, it won’t take three or four generations for the mindset to change. Maybe, just maybe, the Theory of Two Adams, Two Eves, and One Adam with One Eve will be viewed equally by the eyes of society. One step for gay people everywhere could very well be the next step toward a society that learns from the past, and strives to make things better for all people in the future, gay or straight.

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